007-01

I’m awake early
Not because I’m holy
Because the lies
Don’t let me sleep anymore

I fed on sugar too long
Sweet words
Soft verses
Spiritual anesthesia

And I wonder
Why I feel weak

They say
It will all be fine

But they never say
How

They say
God is in your midst

And they skip
The rubble
The anger
The avoidance
The refusal to listen
The long trained silence

I learned
To eat dessert as a main course
And then I asked myself
Why I’m sick inside

I can’t hear these sentences anymore
When they replace the path

Not because they’re false
Because they come
Too early

A promise without a path
Is not food
For me

Call the name of the Lord
And you will be saved
Yes

But salvation is not a bang
Not a pop
Not a holy shortcut

Salvation is a long road
Where things surface
You can’t pray away
Can’t quote away
Can’t sing away

Things that stink
Things that stay
Until you carry them

I no longer live
Against the diagnosis

I don’t shout it
I don’t throw it
In anyone’s face

But I also stop pretending
I’ve already arrived

I will not simulate promises
I will not perform closeness
I will not hand out comfort
That makes me lie to myself

I stay
On the path

Slow
Hard
Real

Not against hope
Against self-deception

Not against God
Against shortcuts

I call
And I keep walking